You're Not a Bad Mom!
Hey Mama, If you’re reading this, it’s because yet again you’ve had one of those days where you just feel like a complete and utter failure as a mother. Well, I’m here to tell you differently, because I’ve been where you are. I was always comparing myself to the other moms at parent pick-up, the park, or Walmart. God forbid I looked at another mom’s page on Instagram or Facebook… That usually led to an instant spiral… Don’t do that… In the end, I had to learn how to believe in my own version of perfect motherhood, and I can teach you to believe in yours too.
Be an Alicorn Mom
I would’ve gone with unicorn mom, but that was already taken by the drunk moms. We are NOT drunk moms. In fact, they thought using unicorn mom was fitting because they’re unique, but they really aren’t. Anyone can be the drunk fun mom… It takes a truly unique person to find that magical balance between fun and structure. That my friend is an alicorn mom. If you’re not in the know, an alicorn is even more elusive and magical than a unicorn. It is the combination of two majestic mythical creatures.
Unicorn + Pegasus = Alicorn. It’s like: ADHD Mama + Superpowers = Supermama. Yeah, I went there… Alicorn Moms = Supermamas. They are one and the same, and you are both. Now, I’ll tell you how:
The “Fun” Mom (and other annoying labels)
I know one of the reasons you’re feeling like a bad mom right now is from other moms. They have a thousand rules for their kids’ lives, and it seems like their kids are in every activity offered and excelling at it. They cook, clean, drive carpool, and plan Pinterest perfect parties all in the same day.
They're the moms who smile accusingly when you come in dead last at the fundraiser and tell you, “better luck next time sweetie.” They whisper a little too loudly about how you’re late to pick-up/drop-off your kids – again. Oh, and the kicker…
They’ve called you the “fun mom” in the most derogatory way possible.
Ugh, I physically feel that one sometimes! It used to make me so ashamed. It felt like somehow being fun equated to being bad. Like my kids had no discipline or respect, and I was lazy and undependable. I heard things like, “we probably shouldn’t ask her to host. The kids call her the “fun one.” I mean, come on! Is that even a thing?... I still don’t know why I let those other mamas get in my head.
I AM the fun mom and proud of it!
Honestly, being the fun one means you actually enjoy children. Not just your children but other people’s too. When you host a playdate, it’s not an excuse to drink wine and gossip with the other moms. It’s all about making sure everyone’s kids have the most fun possible.
This means you’re buying all the sugar, glitter, and noisemakers you can find… and you’re joining in the mayhem that ensues! How is that wrong?...
The way I see it, you’re making lasting memories for all parties involved. The other moms are just mad because your crazy, devil-may-care attitude makes their uptight vegan, gluten-free playdates look like funerals.
DO NOT let those pretentious, read every parenting book, miserable, know-it-alls make you feel like you’re anything less than amazing!
Scream your truth… I AM THE FUN MOM!!!
Sometimes, You Have to be Serious (and you will because you rock)
Okay, so it’s not always the fun times that get you feeling down. Sometimes, it’s the serious things that seem to pop up out of nowhere. Your kid has been getting straight A’s for years, then suddenly they can’t seem to get higher than a C, and you have no idea what changed.
Or maybe you spend copious amounts of time and energy every day trying to get your child to do the one, yes, one as in singular, chore you assigned them. One of my personal favorites, your toddler is suddenly swearing, and you know it’s partly your fault. (It’s mostly dad’s fault though, right? 😉)
No matter what the pop-up concern, your reaction is always the same. You’ve done something wrong, and now you’ve doomed your child to a life of mediocrity and depression… (Don’t pretend you didn’t go there because we both know you did. 😜)
Now listen carefully because this is the cold hard truth… Your kid is excellent, and you haven’t ruined their life!
Honestly, the very fact that you are worrying about it at all and judging yourself so harshly means you’re doing great. I also want you to look at that one thing that has your nerves frayed. What can you do to fix it? Do you really need to fix it? Or do you need to look at it differently?
In my examples:
- You should probably help a child who’s struggling in school. Have a heart to heart and find out the reason for the change. It could be so many things, but you’re the fun mom, and that means you’ve built a relationship with your child. They’ll likely tell you everything that’s going on, and then you can work on fixing it together.
- The kid that won’t do that one chore and you’re beginning to believe has no work ethic… They’re actually the complete opposite at school and when visiting friends. In fact, they’re likely the favorite friend and student because they’re so responsible.
- Oh, and that last one… They’ll grow out of it, I promise. In the meantime, you can just pretend they’re mispronouncing another word. No one will know the difference but you 😉.
I hope by now, you’ve had a few laughs, and you’re feeling more like your old self. Being an alicorn mom is going to be hard sometimes. You are learning to embrace your ADHD in all its glory and say to heck with traditional child-rearing. You’re going to do what’s best for your family. That may mean a lack of structure for most things, but clear structure and rules in places others don’t need them. It may mean having fun 99% of the time and only getting serious out of necessity the other 1%.
Whatever amount of crazy works best for your crazy is the right amount of crazy – crazy, right?! 🤣
I probably don’t even need to tell you now, but you know I’m going to… YOU ARE A GOOD MOM!! You’re an Alicorn Mom. You’re unique and beautiful, and you can soar to any height your imagination takes you. You are magical girl! And those kids you made, they’re just as amazing as you are because you’re their mom. You don’t have to believe me, though. Just ask your babies who the best mom in the world is… they’ll tell you the truth every time. Let it warm your heart to know you’re not alone and that they’ll always love you for you.
Until next time…
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